Friday, March 28, 2008

Why do I feel like it's Monday?

Because all my thoughts have to do with setting goals and finishing what I've started, and those are sunny fresh-start Monday thoughts. So maybe because it's the weekend, I can act on some of those ideas with enthusiasm rather than guilt. It's a weird motivational conundrum. I'm suspicious of guilt as a motivator. If I feel guilted (even by myself) into doing something, I'm more likely to blow it off, resist it, do it halfway. On the other hand, if I commit to something by choice, I'll happily wreck myself trying to live up to the promises I've made.

I honor the weekend even though I don't work a Monday to Friday job. Something in me's programmed to feel guilty for goofing off on a Monday and to expect to have exciting plans for a Friday night. Because I tell myself I don't HAVE to work on the weekend, I enjoy it when I choose to.

So here are my Monday thoughts:

I want to do yoga more regularly, swim, and bike and maybe join a gym
I want to eat better -- I cooked for myself last night and it felt divine
I want to research freelance jobby jobs
I want to read more journals, blogs, reviews within kids' lit
I want to draw and knit more

Because it's really Friday, I also want plans for tonight, but I might be okay with those plans consisting of reading and writing.

Yesterday, I spent hours playing around with outlines and rearranging text on Scrivener. I'm not sure how much I accomplished, but I feel more clear about where I need to write, and it cleaned up my files, which is the mental equivalent of clearing off my desk. I also "finished" my ghazal. I'm sure I'll play with it more, but at least it looks like a completed poem.

Currently reading: Poems from Homeroom by my brilliant former advisor Kathi Appelt

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